« I wasn’t sure I was going to post, but decided I’d share as it will serve as a good way to keep myself accountable.

That was not what the way I was hoping to kick off my fall season. But as I’m learning, things are what they are and not what you want or hope them to be. If only I had been able to accept reality, rather than putting things under the rug and being overly (falsely) optimistic, maybe this wouldn’t be the photo I’d be posting.

I made a series of bad decisions this week that led me to this photo, taken a few minutes after pulling out of the race in Chequamegon MTB Festival.

Bad decision #1: I got sick last week and I could not believe it. I didn’t want to believe it. I had Covid after SBT and it kicked my ass for about 2 weeks. Then I felt awesome for about 7 days, and got sick again last week. I simply did not want to believe or accept it. I didn’t feel as destroyed as the previous sickness so I told myself I was fine. In my mind, there was no way to miss Chequamegon, as it was the start of an important streak of racing for me and I feared it would be bad momentum to miss it. In my head, I was not sick, so I travelled to Wisconsin.

Bad decision #2: Early on in the race, reality slapped me in the face. I felt super weak and I was struggling. It came as a surprise because I had done such a good job of making myself believe I was okay. Then, I panicked. « Shit. Am I digging a hole for myself? » I feared that I was jeopardizing the rest of my season, and just like that, a few km out from the feedzone, I let myself dropped from the lead pack and pulled out.

In the end, I’m super disappointed and not proud of myself. I should have not raced at all, or I should have finished since I had decided to travel all the way there and to start. Instead, I travelled and didn’t finish.

Too late for the would’ve, should’ve, could’ve. The truth is, I’m not proud that I wasn’t able to face reality, and that led me to a bunch of bad decisions & disappointment. I’ll make sure this serves as a lesson and guidance for the remainder of the season. Acceptance. Honesty. We’ll go from there!

I’ll keep this sentence close by: « May your choices reflect your hopes, not your fears. » »

Maghalie Rochette, Instagram, 16 septembre

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