Setting the record straight

Since the incredible win of Joe Vingegaard in the Time Trial yesterday,there's been loads of unfair speculation about his incredible power/weight figure of almost 8 watts per kilo,and how he came to beat the guy in the white jumper by the best part of 2 minutes.

My understanding of the situation relates to my work with the US Air Force in the 70's.

My colleague Colonel Steve Austin was barely alive after a massive crash in an experimental "lifting body" aircraft.

He was rebuilt using a super-secret system of Bionic Engineering that afforded him superhuman,almost God-like,abilities.

The technology was further utilised to create "Super Soldiers", capable of incredible feats of bravery and courage,like John Rambo and a breakaway,underground group known as The A Team.

Not to mention a shadowy,Black Ops Team known as The Expendables.

Sports teams have been using Bionics for several decades now and Jumbo Visma employ Dr Rudy Wells,who pioneered the process 50 years ago, as their consultant.

Although Vingegaaard is technically "clean" in terms of typical PED's,his secret would be revealed by using a Geiger counter near his body… the tiny nuclear reactors that power his Bionic mechanisms give off a faint whiff of Caesium 236.

In addition,the real name of his wife is Lindsey Wagner.

The UCI are completely happy with the situation,thanks to substantial investments by some top pro teams in the pension funds of their senior management.

Glad to have cleared that up.

Gregg Kinsell
Old Boys & Ex-Bike Racers


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