This weekend marked David and I return to the races!

I was excited about going back. One thing that felt great is that I had no fear…I didn’t feel like my self-esteem was on the line, which is something I’ve experienced before. As much as I was excited to see where I stood, I wasn’t worried about any result. I knew I felt good about being here and about my process of getting back into shape, and I was looking forward to being on a cyclocross course again. That said, I did have a few worries. I was nervous that I would not like it, and I was nervous to see if I would have some fight in me if I wasn’t in a position of winning.

I used a few calming techniques and got through my race preparation through the sounds of The Great War, a new song from Taylor Swift.

Her song has a hopeful rhythm to it, and in it, she uses war as an analogy to a crisis within a relationship. I have no relationship issues. But I would say that the last few months have been difficult for me, and that maybe my relationship with myself has been a struggle. Through this period, David has really helped me, and we’ve made a lot of changes around how we do and approach things, both in our lives and in our cycling endeavours. So being back at the races, and listening to this song made me feel really proud and grateful to be here.

Suddenly, I felt ready to go!

The fire is still burning
Just like that, I got the hole shot and lead for the first lap of the Pan American championship race. I was trying to keep the pace somewhat slow so I wouldn’t blow up too quickly…after all, I only had a dozen rides and 5 short workouts in my legs. I’ll spare you all the details, but after Raylyn Nuss took the lead, I battled in second place with Sidney McGill for a while until I was dropped. With 3 laps to go, I found myself in a battle for 4th, with my heart rate through the roof and my legs burning. It was clear at that point that I couldn’t rely on my power to win this battle; Austin Killips was pedalling stronger than me. But I knew I had more experience and better technical abilities. So I went to work figuring out how I could win that battle, despite feeling absolutely on my limit. Austin dropped me a few times, but I always found a way to come back. On the last lap, she had a gap heading into the last 2 minutes of the race, but I wasn’t going to give up that easily. There was one more sections with turns in the wood, and then, the last opportunity to pass in a wide turn around the pits. I pushed the limits on the wooden corners and found myself a just few bike lengths back. I went full gas on that short headwind section and as soon as I got on Austin’s wheels, I kept going pass her….I passed her at full speed into the wide turn and closed the door at the exit of the turn to make sure she couldn’t pass. She had to put the breaks a little bit…I heard the fleet of mechanics in the pits screaming a “OOOOOOHH” in unison. It was a good pass. From there, I put my head down for the last couple turns of the race, and claimed the 3rd spot!

I was so happy! I’ve won the PanAm champs a few times before, so normally a 3rd place wouldn’t really make me happy. In this case, however, I was thrilled. Honestly, not really about the result, but mostly about how much I LOVED the race, and how much fun I had pushing myself, and battling until the last possible second. My internal fire was BACK and all my worries went away.

The race was on the coast of Massachusetts, so we finished the day at the beach. David throwing a stick to Mia as she swam to fetch it, and me soaking my legs in the cold sea water.

On Day 2, I woke up with two things on my mind that I was eager to do better. I could think of two moments in the previous race where I could have acted differently. When Raylyn attacked Sidney and I, I just hoped and assumed that Sid would close the gap. But that didn’t happen and once it was too big, I wasn’t strong enough to do it myself. Secondly, I had been dropped by Sidney when I accepted that she would go through the sand section before me. I was eager to apply these learnings in today’s race, where the field would be even bigger (we’d be racing with the U23, and French Woman Caroline Mani would join the fun).

I found myself in 6th wheel after the start, rubbing elbows with Lauren Zoerner in the first corners. “Stay calm Maghs, use the wheels to save energy and hide from the wind.” I knew I had to make my way to the front, but I did so in a methodical and calm way. At some point, Caroline and Raylyn opened a gap, and here I was again behind someone who wasn’t going to chase. I took it in my own hands: lesson learned! Caro, Raylyn and I rode at the front for a bit. I ended up not being able to follow them through the whole race, and finished riding the last 2 laps on my own, to the chanting sound of the enthusiastic New England CX community — the people I grew up racing cyclocross with. I felt special. I rode well and although I didn’t have enough to fight for the win, I felt much better than the day before. I was so focused on each section, that despite my heart rate being at 188bpm avg for the whole race, it all went by extremely quickly in my mind. I had so much fun!

"Hold your horses"
We had the opportunity to race one more time on Sunday, and even though I would have been excited for it, I chose to go back home. Part of my current philosophy is to be conservative with my mental and physical energy, so that when I really need it, I can fully dig in. Leaving an event feeling like you want more is an extremely powerful feeling, and I wanted to cultivate this and carry that positive momentum through my upcoming training and preparation. Sometimes, less can be more.

We are now back home after what truly was a Really Rad weekend. My worries have gone, and a new certitude has taken over. My love for this sport is pure. The CX Fever has reborn, and I couldn’t be happier.

I’d like to finish this with a thank you note to all of you for following, and an even bigger thank you to my sponsors who are not only supporting me, but who are fully trusting me with this come back process.

Maghalie

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