Scott Martin

I was mightily relieved to read the other day that what's billed as America's first residential treatment center for internet addiction recently opened near Seattle.

The center, called ReSTART, offers a 45-day, $14,000 program "intended to help people wean themselves from pathological computer use," according to the Associated Press.

I caught the next plane for Seattle. That afternoon I settled in for an interview with a ReSTART psychiatrist :

Dr. Packard: So, what brings you to ReSTART ?

Me: I got it bad, doc. I'm spending 14, 16 hours a day online. I lost my job, my girlfriend, my apartment. I even considered selling one of my bikes.

Dr. P: Ah, all the classic symptoms. I believe we can squeeze you into the "World of Warcraft" ward.

Me: Well, my addiction is a little unusual.

Dr. P: We don't play the shame game here. What is it? Porn? Perez Hilton blog? LOLcats? Me: No, it's... it's... cycling.

Dr. P: Pardon ?

Me: Cycling. Bikes. I can't stop reading race coverage, shopping for bike parts, tweeting about rides. It's outta control.

Dr. P: And this has been going on how long ?

Me: It started last year with live online Tour de France coverage. I'd sneak a peek at work. Next thing I knew, I was scouring kilometer-by-kilometer accounts of the 5-hour Gent-Wevelgem semi-classic -- written in Flemish.

Dr. P: I see...

Me: Last week I bought 34 carbon water bottle cages on StupidLightBikeParts.com. My YouTube video of me playing "Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star" on my spokes has been viewed 300 times -- by me. I have 8,712 cycling friends on Facebook.

Dr. P: Your only hope is a grueling therapy consisting of vigorous exercise, possibly outdoors, on some sort of human-powered machine.

Me: (gulp) Can I bring my iPhone ?

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