Scott Martin

WASHINGTON, D.C. - The U.S. government's popular "cash for clunkers" auto rebate program is just the beginning, Transportation Secretary Ray LaHood announced yesterday.

Next up: Dollars for 'Dozers, in which the hard-hit construction industry can trade in its aging bulldozers and get money to buy new earth-moving equipment. That will be followed by Moolah for Mowers, under which struggling suburbanites can swap their decrepit riding mowers for funds to purchase new Lawn-Boys.

More importantly, RBR has learned that the federal government soon will unveil Bucks for Bikes, in which cyclists can exchange their steel-framed, toe clip-equipped, friction-shifting bicycles for cash to buy a new bike or cycling accessory.

"This will revitalize America's crucial bike business," said Treasury Secretary Timothy Geithner, "not to mention other key economic sectors such as the Ridiculously Light Wheel Producers and the Carbon Fiber Doodads Manufacturers, which employ up to many dozens of hard-working, tax-paying, mortgage-defaulting Americans."

Bucks for Bikes attracted vital bipartisan support when former President George W. Bush announced he will participate by trading in MTB-1, the Trek mountain bike emblazoned with the presidential seal, which he rode during his 2 terms in the Oval Office.

"Originally I planned to sell MTB-1 on eBay," Bush told Fox News. "But then I thought, 'What if some evildoer bought it and used it in a plot to do evil?'"

Bucks for Bikes is not without critics, however. CNN commentator Lou Dobbs demanded that the program exclude "foreign-born" bikes made in China, Italy and other "un-American" locations.

Despite such opposition, Congress is expected to approve funding for Bucks for Bikes -- right after it solves the health care crisis.

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