Scott Martin

Sure, pro bike racers can do things we only dream of: Sprint 40 mph after 6 hours in the saddle, average 450 watts on a 30-minute climb, take a "nature break" while still on the bike.

But none of them can match what we working stiffs do every day. I'll bet Alberto Contador's resume doesn't include :

Ability to discreetly change into Lycra shorts while stopped in rush-hour traffic on way to post-work group ride. Watch out for that emergency brake !

Ability to do 5 a.m. interval workout and stay awake through almost entire 4:30 p.m. PowerPoint presentation by Irv in Accounts Receivable.

Ability to squeeze 45-minute ride into 30-minute lunch break. Warm-up? We don't need no stinkin' warm-up.

Ability to fit bicycle into your Dumpster-size office cubicle and never get chain marks on pants or skirt. Except on the day of your performance evaluation.

Ability to convince giggling co-workers that helmet hair is in fact the latest must-have Hollywood 'do.

Ability to access hidden stash of chocolate-brownie energy bars (in filing cabinet, under 'S' for Snacks) without arousing suspicion of nosy, chocoholic officemate.

Ability to bathe in janitorial closet sink. (Tip: When soap is in eyes, don't reach for shampoo and accidentally grab bottle of Mop 'N Glo.)

Ability to keep straight face when telling boss that you've been late the past 4 beautiful autumn mornings because of flat tires.

Ability to grin and bear it when company newsletter notes that you "peddle a 10-speed to work rain or shine." Headline : "Lance Beware !"

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