Scott Martin

In change.org's nationwide competition to identify the best ideas for change in America, the top 10 suggestions will be presented to the Obama administration just before next week's presidential inauguration.

The bad news : Promoting bicycle transportation didn't make the list. The good news: It finished ahead of Give all hedge fund managers wedgies ("hedgies") and placed just behind Make Big 3 auto execs take the bus to work.

Speaking of ginormous industry bailouts, it strikes me as patently unfair that there should be a Car Czar and not a Bike Czar. Surely the bike industry also needs a tough, can-do, knowledgeable leader who will rescue this vital transportation sector. Someone like, well, me.

My first act as Bike Czar would be to appoint one L. Edward Armstrong deputy czar, or czarina. Why? He's a great role model, communicator and symbol of hope. Plus, as my employee, he would have to ride with me whenever I want and not drop me.

My second priority would be to repair America's damaged international reputation. Granted, Barack will probably send Hillary to the trouble spots, but the Bike Czar could play a prominent role in reassuring our bicycle-loving allies. I envision a 3-week fact-finding mission to Italy in May, followed by a similar trip to France in, oh, let's say July.

Next up : Saving the troubled economy. Rebates on bikes costing more than $1,500 would stimulate demand, creating jobs for thousands of laid-off bike mechanics driven to crime and suicide by the loss of their shop discount. I'd also assemble a generous bailout package for bicycle manufacturers because, well, we wouldn't want them to feel left out.

After that, I'll tackle global warming and the Middle East. Then, in February...

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