Scott Martin

Looks like many U.S. taxpayers will be getting a $600 check this year as part of a stimulus package to stave off the reces... I mean, mild economic downturn.

Never mind that I'll probably owe $6,000 in income taxes come April 15; my rebate's as good as spent. On my mortgage? I think we can foreclose on that idea.

No, I need bike stuff. You too, I'll wager. Hmm, what can you get for $600 ?

• 3 months of online coaching. Afterward you'll be fast enough to ride away from any bill collector.

• 600 energy bars (on sale). Can you ever have enough? No, you can never have enough.

• 20 race/ride entry fees. That's 3 events per month from now through September, which leaves one weekend per month for the spouse and kiddies. Talk about your cost/benefit ratio.

• 1 frame tube of a 14-pound carbon superbike. Your rebate won't cover a down tube, but it might get you a chainstay -- on a short-wheelbase bike.

• A one-way ticket to France in July to watch Le Tour. Not enough cash to get home ? Darn.

• Ceramic bearings for your bottom bracket, hubs and derailleur pulleys. These will improve your speed almost as much as your rebate will improve the economy.

• 10 months of premium cable so you can watch bike racing on your own TV instead of relying on friends to tape Paris-Roubaix, not the Bass Masters Bassathon live from Pensacola. Oops.

• 6 pairs of fancy Lycra cycling shorts. With luck and careful washing, the side panels won't start looking like see-through lingerie till it's time for next year's stimulus check. Not that we'll still be in a mild economic downturn by then.

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