Scott Martin

Power meters... GPS-equipped cyclecomputers... electronic shifting...

Bor-ing.

According to the April issue of Wired magazine, the next generation of high-tech fitness gear is on the way. Might as well take a photo of your $1,500 watts meter and put in on eBay, alongside your toe clips and down-tube shifters.

Coming soon : a small arm-mounted sensor that uses "near-infrared spectroscopy imaging" to measure the oxygen content of your blood through your skin; a running-shoe transmitter that delivers real-time data on foot-pressure distribution and stride mechanics; a sports bra that dynamically adjusts cup and strap stiffness as a woman moves.

Clearly, there's nothing science can't do. So -- attention, sports researchers -- here's my wish list of futuristic cycling equipment :

Super Shorts. The chamois boasts a tiny sensor (it better be tiny) that detects heat and friction build-up. When crotch conditions exceed critical levels, the shorts automatically secrete a cooling lubricant. Sayonara, saddle sores. Bonus feature : When outside temperature drops below, say, 65F degrees, a band of Lycra unfurls from the legs to cover your knees, preventing injury.

X-ray Specs. Special magnetic-resonance-imaging eyewear enables you to see inside your body. Is lactic acid building up too quickly ? Heart beating too rapidly ? Sweat glands becoming overwhelmed ? Now you know. Best of all, you can use your shades to look, literally, into the hearts of your competitors.

Smart bottle. When the nozzle of this water bottle touches your lips, a lid-mounted microprocessor instantly analyzes your saliva to determine your body's hydration needs. Small compartments in the bottle immediately release the perfect mixture of the required nutrients into your water -- electrolytes, potassium, caffeine, beer...

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