4 janvier 2007

Be It Resolved

"Be punctual" was going to be my No. 1 New Year's resolution. But since I'm making my list on January 4, we'll just scratch that. (New No. 1: "Be flexible.")

Regardless, it's never too late for self-improvement. So here are my 2007 pledges :

• I will stop surfing cycling websites while at work. Except during the Tour de France. And maybe the Giro. Also the Vuelta. But not for cyclocross nationals. Probably.

• I will obtain a newly patented nasal spray designed to fight obesity by robbing food of its taste. Couple of squirts and Little Debbie snack cakes are no big deal. Failing that, I will obtain other fat-control devices that are in the works: a pill that blocks food cravings in the brain and an electrical doohickey that paralyzes your stomach. Goodbye, slacks from Big 'n Tall store. Hello, polka-dot jersey.

• I will be a better cycling citizen. This I swear: No more rude gestures to motorists. No more wheelsucking. No more rolling stops at stop signs. (In a 2006 resolution, I have learned to type with my fingers crossed.)

• I will not resent riding partners who get fitter -- and fitter faster -- than me. Instead, I will recognize that their fitness inspires me to work harder and be the best darn cyclist I can be. Even though they train almost never, eat whatever they want and are mean to their pets.

• I will volunteer for drugs expected to mimic a recently discovered genetic mutation that eliminates pain. Okay, so the mutation, found in a Pakistani boy and his young relatives, reportedly has a few drawbacks. Feeling no pain, some of the children bit off part of their tongues and burned themselves while sitting on radiators. But they could climb anything in the big chainring.


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Guy Maguire, webmestre, SVPsports@sympatico.ca
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