Scott Martin

There are only three kinds of roadies.

Sprinters, climbers or time trialists ? No. Devotees of Shimano, Campy or SRAM ? Uh-uh. Racers, fitness riders or people who've had their driver's license suspended ? Nope.

If you've done enough group rides, you know the three types are selfless, stupid and sneaky.

Which one are you ? Take this handy quiz :

A. When it's time to take a pull, I...
---take a pull.
---am already in the middle of my 4-mile pull because I am so strong.
---suddenly need to talk to my friend at the back of the pack.

B. When a gap opens, I...
---quickly but smoothly close it.
---am the one who caused it.
---tell some big guy he's the only one man enough to tow us up to the leaders.

C. If somebody gets a flat, I...
---get everyone to stop, give him my spare and lend him my pump.
---yell at anyone who asks why I didn't point out the 4 broken bottles.
---attack.

D. When asked how much I've been riding, I...
---say how much I've been riding.
---launch into a 45-minute story about my cycling exploits.
---say this is my first ride in five months, and did I mention my anemia and heartbreak of psoriasis ?

E. If someone gets dropped, I...
---drift back and pull him up to the group.
---realize he's not worthy to ride with real cyclists.
---snicker.

F. At the town-line sprint, I...
---sprint for the town-line sign.
---sprint for the town-line sign, going diagonally from center line to gutter.
---wait, because I went out last night and moved the town-line sign 500 meters down the road.

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