The brouhaha over the recent positive drug tests of Oscar Pereiro, the 2006 Tour de France runner-up, got me thinking.

With Pereiro and '06 Tour winner Floyd Landis both touched by doping scandal, how far down the finisher list would race officials have to search to find an untainted champion? At this rate, I might have a shot.

True, I didn't compete in the Tour. But I followed it closely on TV. And friends say I look smashing in yellow. Matches my teeth.

Now, however, it appears Pereiro will walk. He says he had permission to use an asthma medicine containing the banned substance salbutamol. He just forgot to say so when asked by the French anti-doping agency. Three times.

Apparently one side effect of asthma is forgetfulness.

But what's more intriguing about this Oscar controversy is that it sheds light on pro cycling's little-known Therapeutic Use Exemption (TUE). If you provide proper documentation -- a note from your doctor, or your Mom -- you can get a TUE for a banned substance.

Evidently bike racers are a sickly bunch. French anti-doping chief Pierre Bordry said in October that the number of riders taking authorized doping substances in the Tour was "suspicious." Six of those who tested positive in the '06 race were due to have their TUEs examined in late January.

To which I say: Phooey. We need more TUEs, not fewer. Take me, for instance. Whenever I do the Saturday group ride, I suffer from shortness of breath, nausea, cramping and muscle aches. Clearly I'm having a severe allergic reaction that's too strong for mere medicine.

My proposed TUE? One of those little electric bike motors. I'm sure the other riders won't mind. All I ask is a level playing field.

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