Scott Martin

Sun setting shortly after breakfast ? Check. Temperatures frostier than a meter maid’s heart ? Check. Motivation weaker than a New Orleans levee ? Check.

Yes, it’s winter. Which can mean only one thing : Time to start visiting the House of Pain, otherwise known as the gym.

Been awhile, right ? Before you start slipping off those giant exercise balls and dropping dumbbells on your tootsies, you need a refresher in health club etiquette. Here are three key do’s and don’ts :

Scenario : Your first indoor-cycling class.

Don’t : Announce loudly that the resistance setting is way too low for a real cyclist such as yourself, then whimper as the instructor reduces you to a puddle of sweat in 45 minutes.

Do : Get there early so you’re not stuck using that bike in the corner with the salt-encrusted handlebar, tractor-seat saddle and missing toe clip.

Scenario: Cute person starts working out next to you.

Don’t : Flex your quads and say (1) “Do you have a Band-Aid? Because I’m ripped." Or (2) “You must have a mirror in your sweatpants, ‘cause I see myself there.”

Do : Look puzzled and say, “You’re a personal trainer, right? Could you show me how to use this apparatus ?”

Scenario : The Incredible Bulk saunters over and says, “Yo, famine boy. I know you’re not using this bench press machine.”

Don’t : Snivel and reply, “Hey, gimme back my pink Giro d’Italia workout towel, you big bully.”

Do : Apologize and walk away. When Mr. Bulk leaves the gym, note his vehicle make and plate number. Then call the Anonymous Tip Hotline and tell the cops you saw him selling steroids behind the local middle school.

une page mise en archives par SVP

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