Scott Martin

Cyclists come in all shapes and sizes. Here's a guide to the menagerie:

Climber
Body type: lung on a stick. Distinguishing bike characteristic: single bottle cage, no valve caps. If not a cyclist, would be: runner, supermodel or loincloth-wearing ascetic. Favorite conversation topics: weight in grams of cable end caps; long-forgotten taste of ice cream. In the peloton, likes to: hide.

Sprinter
Body type: quads the size of beer kegs, elbows sharper than a stiletto, multiple road-rash scars. Distinguishing bike characteristic: 11-tooth cog, shredded front-tire sidewall from sticking wheel into tight places such as others' cassettes. If not a cyclist, would be: street fighter. Favorite conversation topics: anything involving smack talk. In the peloton, likes to: yell at everyone to "Close that gap!" but never takes a pull.

Time Trialist
Body type: flexible enough to join Chinese acrobat troupe. Distinguishing bike characteristic: aerodynamic frame, wheels, handlebar, water bottle, cable end caps. If not a cyclist, would be: computer programmer or engineer. Favorite conversation topics: drag coefficients, most recent visit to wind tunnel, slipperiness of skinsuit. In the peloton, likes to: get on the front and ride, dammit.

Commuter
Body type: N/A. Distinguishing bike characteristic: grime. If not a cyclist, would be: NASCAR driver. Favorite conversation topics: carbon footprints, climate change, recyclability of objects not commonly known to be recyclable. In the peloton, likes to: ring handlebar bell.

Ultradistance Rider
Body type: all of the above. Distinguishing bike characteristic: lights, handlebar bag and/or large seat bag, comfy saddle. If not a cyclist, would be: institutionalized. Favorite conversation topics: food, miles/kilometers ridden, food, extreme weather experiences, food. In the peloton, likes to: "Peloton?"

une page mise en archives par

Consultez notre ENCYCLOPÉDIE sportive