Scott Martin

On December 21 you will be: A) shopping for holiday gifts, B) swearing once again never to chug 5 glasses of eggnog, or C) quivering in your backyard bomb shelter.

If you answered “C,” you know that the Mayan calendar ends on December 21, 2012, considered by some people to be doomsday. And by others to be a great marketing opportunity.

Such as the folks at Etap Yachting, which makes boats said to be unsinkable. As Bloomberg recently reported, Etap’s website suggests that you and your fellow Etap owners could use your yachts to save enough people from the inevitable tidal wave to start a new civilization.

Hey, if the boating industry can do it, the bike business should climb onboard too. Could be a great bump in pre-Christmas sales figures. Which would be especially important in case there is no December 25.

Think about it. The world’s in chaos, facing “pure unimaginable horror,” as Etap reminds us. Roads -- cratered. Gasoline -- hoarded. Bumper stickers proclaiming child’s honor roll status -- defaced. Forget cars. You need a human-powered, go-anywhere vehicle that will whisk you to prime looting opportunities. Preferably, something in carbon fiber.

Yes, I’m talking about bicycles. How else are you going to outrun the zombies? (I think we can assume there are going to be zombies.)

Then there’s food. You’ll need something palatable and calorie-dense, with a long shelf life. That’s right: energy bars. Would you like 50 cases or 100? Sorry, there’s been a run on them lately and the only flavor left is Brussels Sprouts n’ Liver. Enjoy!

What about electricity and heat? Just hook up this indoor trainer to a generator. Self-defense? Check out our selection of chains and pointy chainrings. But wait. There’s more…

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