Scott Martin

You're sitting at the coffee shop after a pleasant group spin. Inevitably somebody starts talking about his most recent ride, century or race.

"Dude," he says, "it was the hardest thing I've ever done. The pace never dropped below 34 mph, even on that 29% climb."

Wow, you think, he is one bad hombre. I must be a total weenie.

But, over time, you notice that all his rides are the toughest ones imaginable. WTF ?

Your heroic ride companion has learned the fine roadie art of creative enhancement. This ego-building exercise is most effective when accompanied by some false modesty: "I almost got dropped when the temperature went below minus-10 and my left little toe fell off."

Don't be intimidated by this time-honored tactic. Here are some handy phrases you can use to upgrade your own cycling experiences :

"The pavement was so rough that my saddle broke off and my seatpost got lodged in... well, let's leave it at that."

"There were so many crashes that they ran out of ambulances and had to bring in Good Humor ice cream trucks to cart away the wounded. Now, every time I hear the theme from that movie, The Sting, my road-rash scars start to ache."

"The hill was so steep that I dented my front rim when we hit the climb."

"The crosswind was so strong that when I leaned into the gusts, my pedal scraped the road."

"It was so hot that my carbon head tube melted and the race officials banned me for having an airfoil on the front of my bike. Otherwise I would've won for sure."

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