Scott Martin
The Amgen Tour of California pro stage race is coming to my hometown of Santa Cruz on Tuesday, so I better start training.
Not for the race, which isn't open to middle-aged pack-fill with a Doritos addiction, but for the inevitable questions from non-cycling friends and co-workers. Such as :
Q : Is Lance racing ?
A: Yes.
Q : How can I get his autograph?
A : Go to the RadioShack team bus immediately after the stage finish and hope he shows. Wear steel-toed shoes so your feet don't get crushed by the 300 other people with the same idea. Try to make yourself stand out, possibly by dressing as a giant RadioShack shopping bag.
Q : Last year I stood by the side of the road for an hour and they went by in like 3 seconds. You call that a spectator sport ?
A : Um... this time try watching on an uphill section. They'll go by in like 10 seconds.
Q : What is Amgen -- a division of Amway ?
A : Yes, and can I interest you in a case of eyeliner pencils? Seriously, Amgen is a biotechnology company that makes medical products such as a synthetic form of EPO.
Q : Will they be handing out free samples ?
A : Doubtful. Are you sure you're not a cyclist ?
Q : How can I get into the VIP section at the finish lin ?
A : Donate several thousand dollars to the race. Or have your well-connected friend toss their VIP pass over the fence to you.
Q : What's in the VIP section ?
A : Food and drink, chairs, shade, big-screen TV showing the race, lots of well-connected people and a few sneaky ones.
Q : What's the best way to get a podium girl (or boy) to go out with me ?
A : Win the stage.
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